Give each child over the age of two a double dose of Maximum Strength Benadryl with every meal, and your life is mostly about keeping everyone covered up as they sleep. It is a truly peaceful life. I wish it were that easy. Honestly though, I would have to say the number one tool that we have relied on to make our family work is planning ahead. Of course we haven't always succeeded at this, but as much as possible, we have always tried to stay at least one step ahead of whatever predictable life changes come into our family.
For most people, this comes naturally with baby number one. The Mom-to-be finds out she's pregnant and suddenly, the timer is ticking. You only have eight or nine months to create a nursery in your house, get all the baby paraphernalia necessary to house an infant, and get your butt back in church, because suddenly a conservative lifestyle looks more appealing than it ever has before.
With our first child, we all seem to feel like a nine month gestation period is evidence of God's omniscient wisdom. He knew that we'd need time to prepare. God could have made us like mogwai where all you have to do is put water on us and extra little mogwai come popping out of our fur if you don't understand this reference, you are not an 80's child.
Please refer to the movie Gremlins. Thankfully we are not mogwai. God gave us time to prepare for that first baby. Unfortunately, we often tend to question God's wisdom in creating a nine month baking time as we prepare for baby number two. When we experience the absurdity of a woman , swollen with baby to the point of looking utterly unnatural, chasing a toddler around Walmart, the nine months of prep time starts to look more like a nine month prison sentence.
The nursery is already here, most of the paraphernalia is reusable, and for the most part, you have become a faithful Sunday morning church-goer the free nursery while you nap though a 45 minute sermon ROCKS!
Is waiting nine months really logical? We have found that a little imagination is priceless here. For instance, if you are having baby number two, imagine what you are going to do with baby number one when you are feeding the new addition. What will baby number one be doing? If you are adding baby number three, how will you handle the fact that the children now outnumber the adults?
Many great nations have fallen throughout history because they didn't see this simple bit of mathematics sneaking up on them.
How will you handle the fact that Mom now has more kids than arms? Believe me, with a little imagination, you will find more stuff to prepare for than you could ever squeeze into nine months. This continues throughout child rearing. How are we going to handle outside influences when the kids go to school?
How will we handle dating? How do we handle the fact that jokes, movies, music, and general conversation grow more mature as the kids get older, but you may still have little ones in the house that need the same protection and discretion that you gave the older ones at that age? Of course you can't prepare for everything. You will miss some things. I recently slammed into a scenario that I hadn't prepared for. It slipped though my attempts to prepare for the future.
I hadn't imagined the strain and frustration that my third and forth sons would feel as my first and second transitioned into young adulthood. I made the mistake of feeling like we managed the teen years pretty well with Josiah and Matthew, so a similar approach with Elijah and Joshua should work fine.
What I failed to account for was that when Josiah and Matthew were , they didn't have two older brothers who were gaining new freedoms and levels of trust than before. When Josiah and Matthew were and their lives were consumed with being Dad's personal slaves, they knew nothing else. They had nothing to compare their lot in life to. Elijah and Joshua, as they contemplate their lot in life, can look at Josiah and Matthew and say, "That looks way more fun than the personal slave business.
But, for the most part, we have relied heavily on Imaginative Planning. I wish I could say that thinking ahead and planning accordingly is the one and only thing that it takes to have a successful parenting experience, as if that really exists.
There is more. Raising mini-sinners in a broken world takes more that just good planning, but that will have to be for a later post. A few nights ago at dinner, Esther, my children, and I got into a conversation about poverty. Esther was telling me about an article that she had read concerning the remarkable, relative richness of America's poor compared to the balance of the globe.
A couple of my older children chimed into the conversation and off we went, into an impromptu "Life Lesson" from Dad. I have decided to script this conversation for you, my reader. Please follow along closely as our dinner conversations can get pretty hectic and hard to follow. Unfortunately, the confines of the written word will not allow me to type one statement literally on top of another as they happen in real life, so I am afraid this transcript may come off a little flat.
Please forgive this inadequacy. Setting- The Heintzelman Dinner Table. The meal has been finished and the characters are sitting at the table talking. Mom: to Dad I read a very interesting article today, written by this guy who did a study on the people in America who live below the poverty level.
Dad: to Mom Yeah, I saw a headline. Something about how they are rich compared to the rest of the world. Character continues as conversations resumes Zechariah: speaking incredibly fast from far end of table, also seemingly to the air Did you know the only part of a shark that you can even eat is the fins?
Actually, I don't know if that is true of all sharks, but I read that it's true of some. Not rich in terms of income or cash on hand, but rich in terms of actual amenities.
I am trying to talk to your dad. Isaac: to Matthew Yeah Matthew: raising his voice, but still looking at his plate Nut, Isaac made a flower for you.
Have at least two TVs, one or more cars, a gaming system Joshua: Wait. Is that true? Dad: No, I just made it up on the spot. Live really Well. General volume reaches a painful level Dad: HEY! Isaac: pulling on the buckles of his booster seat Out Dad reaches down and unbuckles the harness of Isaac's booster seat while the general noise of the room slowly begins to rise.
Isaac immediately begins to align clasps to rebuckle the harness of his booster seat Elijah: So wait. If they are poor, how do they afford all of that stuff? Josiah: sighing and looking disappointed Seriously Nut? Elijah: to Josiah What? That was a good question.
Josiah: To Elijah If you ask questions, Dad is going to talk all night. Heck if you make the mistake of looking interested, he may go on all night.
Matthew: To Elijah It's best not to make eye contact. Dad looks at Mom with an open mouthed expression that says "can you believe these kids? Mom looks back at Dad, eyebrows raised, with a look that says, "they have a point. Many of the poor people in America also don't pay for many of the things that most people consider "essential" so that they can afford the TVs and gaming systems. Bekah: Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom Grace: So wait, poor people aren't poor?
Dad: To Grace Just hang on sweetie. It will make sense in a bit. Elijah: But can't people just see that these people have really nice things and realize that they don't need charity?
Gripped with fear, Grace, Noah, and Samuel all look at Dad in a flash, find Dad's face fixed on Elijah, the recipient of Dad's latest lecture, and relaxed realizing that Dad wasn't backing Mom up at this point.
They returned to their seats. Matthew: In Haiti, you're rich if you have access to water, TVs aren't even in it. Joshua: You said in Haiti they pee in the same water they use to drink and cook with. So really they aren't very rich even if they have water.
Hannah: shoulders slumped and head hanging Are we done yet? Josiah: So I heard this white comedian today on Pandora talking about how he dated a girl that lived in Harlem. He was funny. Matthew: to Josiah I'll tell you whose funny Mom: Seriously? Your Dad was talking. Joshua: Where is Eve?
Dad: glances at Eve's empty spot then shouts down the hall Eve Isabella, you need to come sit back down! Samuel: to Noah When I'm grown up I'm going to be able to fly. Noah: to Samuel Everyone can fly, in an airplane. Samuel: to Noah With a cape. Noah: To Samuel Capes don't actually lift you up and make you fly, they just flap around behind you. Samuel: to Noah I'll have a cape that makes me fly. Noah: To Samuel If a cape made you fly, it would just yank you up by your neck and hang you Samuel: to Noah T hat's only because you don't know how to use a cape Noah: To Samuel Neither do you.
Samuel: to Noah Y es I do. Noah: To Samuel How? Samuel: to Noah Oh no you don't. I'm not telling you because then you'll steal my idea. Noah: To Samuel You don't have an idea.
Mom: Would you two stop fighting. Samuel looks surprised Noah: to Mom We aren't fighting. Samuel thinks he's going to be able to fly Dad: to Noah Why do you care. If he wants to fly, let him fly. Noah: to Dad No, that's the point. He can't Oh never-mind. Mom: to Dad Are you going to finish so we can let these guys down? Isaac: Dad, Dad, Dad, Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!
Isaac: to Dad Out. Dad again unbuckles Isaac's booster seat and Isaac immediately commences rebuckling it. Josiah: Anyway, this comedian said that in New York something like th street is the break off where white people can travel safely, but any farther and it's risky.
Dad: Here's the problem with the poor in America. Grace: hand raised So what are we talking about? Dad: to Grace hold on sweetie, it's almost over. It's a good idea. It's never, ever wrong to give to those that are less fortunate than yourself, but when the government runs it, it just doesn't work very well. The heart behind it is good, but it's just not very effective.
But, the fact that we do try to take care of our poor, and that fact that so many of those people do live so well, makes it very easy for Americans to fall into two really nasty sins.
Matthew: Dad walking around with his pants sagging is a sin. Is that one of the big nasty ones? Josiah: This comedian was like, "I was really hoping she would live at like rd. Ya know, where I could look back and still see the white people. Because I am shockingly white. It is sooo cool.
I did the actual background part my self. It's like a wavy rainbow with Selina Gomez's pictures on it. Josiah: "but nooooo, she had to live at th. I was surrounded on all sides Mom: to Matthew Son, you guys have eaten like a dozen watermelons in the last two weeks. Matthew: I don't understand the problem with this. Dad: to all Anyway, the first sin is get so frustrated with Matthew: Actually, I'm serious. Are we eating Watermelon tonight? For real. Dad: to Matthew You are obsessed. And, yes, I'm sure we're eating another watermelon tonight.
Joshua: I think I have poison ivy from mowing. Isaac: Dad, Dad, Dad, Daaaaaaaaaad! Isaac: Out Dad again unbuckles Isaac's booster seat and Isaac immediately commences rebuckling it. Josiah: "In my mind, I knew I shouldn't cross th, so my mind had an argument with my pants. We are at the dinner table with the little ones. Dad: to Josiah, chuckling at Josiah's imitation of the comedian Use some discretion please Hannah: arms almost on the ground and head hanging Are we done yet?
Dad: OK, so the first sin that is way to easy to fall into in America is to do what the Bible calls "turning a deaf ear to the poor". Basically to put blinders on and pretend like there aren't people in the world that are dying every day from starvation and preventable disease. In the U. Hannah: Are blinders those things that they put on horses? Dad: To Hannah Yes. They keep the horses running straight. Joshua: Did I tell you the name of the horse in the book I'm writing?
Bekah: to Mom Can I go poop? Mom: to Bekah Yes, goodness. Just stop yelling at me. Elijah leaves the far end of the table and moves to the empty seats vacated by Bekah who is now in the restroom offstage, and Eve who has never returned. Josiah: Oh Nut! You're moving closer? He's never going to stop now. Matthew: Oh No. Dad: Anyway, ignoring real poverty is the first sin that is very easy to fall into as an American. Elijah: That reminds me of a Movie. Elijah drops his head grinning sheepishly Samuel: Dad, can you tell Grace to stop hitting me?
Elijah: So what is the second sin? Matthew: Dad's pants sagging. Mom: to Matthew For real? Dad: Holy Cow, can I finish? The second sin, and probably worse than the first, is a general lack of gratitude. Are you guys listening? I seriously do want you to get this. Mom: Nut, go wipe your sister's hiney. Isaac: Out. Twitter and Facebook have taken action to remove hate accounts amid calls for greater regulation.
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